My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
What drink are we having for lunch?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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