What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
