you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
