Apparently you make a good broom.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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