You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
