hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
