We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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