I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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