he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sorry about my life...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
