Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
