Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
