Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
a search helicopter?!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
