This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
