I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have aggressive nipples.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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