I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
