I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
