you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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