Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my sisters under your porch take her home
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
a search helicopter?!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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