It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
