I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
