My friends, they love my intelligence
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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