I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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