my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
