i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
