I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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