I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize