Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
