One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
