I'm jealous of your bromance
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The beer is more important than you right now.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
