areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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