I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
