clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
