I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
