my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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