I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
