i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize