Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
