Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
