You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
