So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
