I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
