i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
All the doctor said was why
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
