You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
