Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
