How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize