Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize