I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
