Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
