If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
