I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
