You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
