She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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