i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
