Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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