Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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