I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
