take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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