bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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