I cockslap morals
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
