we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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