super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
