His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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