I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize